I dearly hope this works; I spent 2 hours earlier, writing a draft for this blog which disappeared off the screen. Now, I will try again, somewhat disheartened for the wasted time, but wanting to write about this subject.
I have been spending quite a lot of time reading a Puritan book titled "The Valley of Vision." It is a collection of Puritan prayers and devotions. My, but those men had a wonderful way of putting things into words. I don't find that kind of engrossing, eloquent expression in contemporary writings. The last few days, there is one particular prayer/devotion that I keep returning to....
It is on Page 50, the title is "Christian Calling." The author writes about the calling we receive from Christ. The fourth line just stopped me. It read: "The second [act of calling] is to let in light." Those words struck home...Let in Light...My thoughts flew quickly to my new church, Veritas, and our pastor, Erik Meyers. His preaching has been the means by which Christ has been letting His light of truth into my cluttered, darkened heart. I love my new church family and especially the young man who preaches the Word on Sunday mornings.
When I was a young child I loved Jesus - for awhile. I'd climb the big Chinese elm tree outside my bedroom window and daydream about what kind of life I'd have. I had decided that I would marry a pastor...I loved the pastor of the Lutheran Church we attended, and so it seemed quite natural that I would want to someday be a pastor's wife. Of course, it was strictly a childish, romantic idea having nothing to do with serving God, but everything to do with being content, myself, with my "grown-up" life.
My first husband was not a pastor, but an alcoholic musician. Our marriage collapsed after just 5 tumultuous years. Two years later, Jesus performed a miracle in my heart and I came to know Him, finally, as a grown woman. He transformed my heart in a moment and I haven't been the same since. Sadly, the glow faded pretty quickly, and I once again became lonely and friendless and looked for worldly answers to my discontent. Then I met Jerry, who was to become my "real" husband. Our marriage lasted until his death separated us 9 years ago. He had become a pastor shortly after our son Erik was born. Jerry was 50 at that time, I was nearly 34. (And so, my childhood daydream came true after all!) Jerry was my hero from our first day until our last, and beyond.
I have digressed. Back to this subject of Light. I have always struggled with a leaning of my heart that makes me worry about being saved. Sometimes I feel saved, other times I don't. This has tortured me a lot. The Light that has come into my life - especially since I moved here to be near my son and his family and even more importantly, to have the opportunity to attend his church on Sundays, that new Light that has come to my understanding, is the security of my salvation. Yes, my son is my pastor. My son AND my pastor. Through his Biblical teaching I have come to grasp the safety I have in God. I am His, and no one can snatch me from Him. That is what happens when we are called; We move from death to life, from darkness to light.
Jesus is the Light; and He is also the Truth. I belong to Him and because of Him, I GET GOD! I not only get salvation, and eternal life, and forgiveness and grace, but I get to know GOD as my FATHER. The more I learn of Him, the more I want to learn of Him. I used to know ABOUT God, and now I KNOW GOD. Huge difference there.
And so, reading further on page 50, these words appear: "Therefore, Lord, I need not search to see if I am elect or loved, for if I turn, Thou wilt come to me." (Such comforting words.) I fail God miserably all the time, but He always forgives me and I am never in danger of losing my salvation because of not being good enough.........I can NEVER be good enough! The very idea is laughable. The unimaginable punishment for all my sin - was willingly borne by Jesus on the cross. The full weight of the wrath of God was poured out on Him that day. Such love expressed! Such sacrifice! Because of that, I don't have to worry about whether or not I'm saved...it was accomplished over 2000 years ago. He didn't make me SAVEABLE that day. He SAVED ME!
What a joy it is to be learning these wonderful truths from this young man, who was once the little boy who'd sneak up behind me in the kitchen and hug me - for no reason at all.
My life has been so full of changes - dramatic changes, not just changes of address. My heart still wanders daily to things of no worth, and I now look to comforts and conveniences, where I once looked for excitement and pleasures, to supply me with contentment, when I should always be looking to the One who made me and knows me utterly. Nothing can be hidden from Him. "Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them." (Psalm 139:16) No one else can know me like this! So why do I persist in my worship of other things? He rescues me from this with his discipline, which I have come to expect, to love and rely on....Also on page 50 of VALLEY, at the end of the page, these words pierce me: "Grant that I may be salted with suffering, with every exactment tempered to my soul, every rod excellently fitted to my back, to chastise, humble, break me. Let me not overlook the hand that holds the rod, as thou didst not let me forget the rod that fell on Christ, and drew me to him." .....The words leave me weak, breathless, humbled.
Reading good, God-centered books will do a lot to put all of life in the right perspective, and there is no book (Not even Valley of Vision) that contains as many powerful, piercing, inspiring words as the Bible. The LIGHT that it brings stirs my heart and satisfies my soul.
"Whom have I in heaven but you?
And there is nothing on earth that I
desire besides you.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion FOREVER."
Psalm 73:25,26
